“Tongue Tied”

I’m staring in the eyes that used to see good in me
Seeing is believing but in that I don’t believe

The hands that used to hold me are cold
My soul is lost I shouldn’t have tied it to a photo
Pictures burn and versions of us fade
Memories sting like the point on a blade
My voice is gone, my tongue constrained
Am I better today but they only see yesterday?
I tire, sweat, and cry, in definition
You see when I was born I was diagnosed human
My words betray the order of my thoughts
My hearts freezing over but in my head I’m too hot
I burn myself in every repercussion
I yell at the philosopher in my reflection
Screaming at the jar of empty promises
How can I trust a fucking word again?
How can I bring myself to press send?
I’m trying, I know, there nothing you can tell me
-It doesn’t make sense
To condescend
To the situation at hand
If you misunderstand
Or rather I held my story,
I practice withholding
Then you ask for a peek
But should I release
It’s a friendship I set free-
I’m tired of making myself crazy
And I’m tired of you helping
Please I’m begging you
You said ages ago to let it go
I plead for you to permit it so
Please allow me to want to live
Please let me try to love and to give
Forgive me for my grasping cries
Support is what I want, I try to stay alive
It pains me that I ever elected to show this side
I should’ve kept quiet what was really in my mind
Silence is my worst fear
It tore at my limbs when I was 6
I’d rather grasp for conversation
Than listen to it shred my confidence
My head hurts, aches, I want it dead
This symbiotic struggle is the source of all that’s bad
I am alone, embodied in cement
It’s shrieking, reminding me that my existence is pointless
The warden wants me dead
To kill it means goodbye
I am stuck in my troubleshooting
I can’t communicate with the blind
But they think they can see
They point their fingers at me
If everyone’s out of line then I’m truly the one who can’t see?
But I can see myself isn’t that more than they can read?
But I know the truth
I walk in both shoes
They stay in theirs
So it’s one versus two
I’m so confused I’m in this labyrinth
I’m unsure of where my honor went
Insanity is where I’m on the brink
I want to take a minute to stop and not think
I’m good I tell them, then I find a way to need help
They look at me like I’m a 2000 pager on a shelf
I miss the days where I was admirable
I miss before I let myself go down in a spiral
I’m climbing up and they’re saying not to be pulled down
While it’s their own hands on the ropes and I’m losing ground
Someone hand me a pen right now
It’s mightier than the sword correct?
Then maybe I can write this down
And maybe I’ll wake up with an open neck
Wouldn’t that be stellar? Wouldn’t that be stars?
I’ll exist to the those because I am so far
Stars don’t talk, stars don’t see
Stars don’t need eyes to believe
I’ll be a distant memory, literally
Seeing is believing but in that I don’t believe

Copyright © 2016, M.K.P

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