“Resentment’s Best Friend”

Verse
What’s wrong with this picture
My tears are falling
They echo when they hit the floor

I’m used to calling, clawing, scraping at the bottom of the barrel
For help once more

This time I find my feet are like roots
Unremovable from the weight of the world

All my fellow trees have been cut down
The only catch

I think I might have been the one who tipped the lumberjack.

Imagine a scenario In a room full of the people you love
The easiest socializations in the world, a megaphone in your palm
Their ears are yours to own
But one day your voice is gone
They used to have their backs at you
But now they turn around
Conveniently when you can’t speak
Your eyes are dry and no more circles underneath

This timing is impeccable
I need some kind of receptacle
Somewhere to store my imminent feelings that I have yet to find deductible

Kill me kill me
Not because I want to die
I just find it so tiring to remain alive
This was in foreshadowing not all but a reprise

I’m peeking at addiction and destroying my own mind

I hate myself
Berate myself
Or maybe I just can’t stand everyone else


For leaving me unloved
Letting me walked out in tatters
Torn apart at the limbs
While they look like proud fathers

I didn’t ask for protection or paternal care
I asked for someone to fucking be there
And they’re credible at first, until the news grows old
Then I’m lost with nothing but the haunting taunts from my soul

I can’t predict when these rhymes end
When my time ends
When the karma reinstates me for what I deserve
Whether positive or negative I will grow or I will burn
If it’s possible to hurt more
I wouldn’t care any less
If I barely made it last time
The trigger is decided for the next

Why do I say this I know I’m doing better
Fuck all the people who let me become a settler
Fuck all my “friends” who told me I was important every day
They told me what they wanted to hear themselves say
For the sake of seeming caring, there’s no such thing as a selfless act
If anyone got close to one it was me from the past
From now on logic is my right hand man
Nobody answers to the situation with emotions again
I am smart
I am strong
I am brave
I will go on
Not because you told me I could
Because it was my choice I decided I should
Not because you are to thank
I owe you nothing, no love in the bank

Freeze.
It’s me.
From the future
I see you’re down on you’re knees
I choose not power, though it is right atmy fingers
I choose to let your deepest regrets linger.

I’m evil, sometimes.
I used to play pretend.

I’m a good person but you woke a beast
That just so happens to be prolific in memory
For centuries
I’ll grow
I’ll leave this wretched antihome
This was never my place
You best expect I’ll never turn back
The second I step out of this hell of a state

My notes page is my one true friend
Other than my canine companion

There’s not much I need in this world
I’m damaged, but that is not your concern

I’m ripping the bandaid
You chose to be the baggage
I therefore deposit you and accuse you of trespassing

Resentment I know more than love
Hatred I know the best
I wish I could say this was not truth in manifest

But I’m pissed.
I can tell you this
I hope you savor fate’s kiss

It’s time to write the end in getting tired of this
If I let the words flow it’d be an endless abyss

This you get
My point

Let me be.

 

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